Global Domination

Uluun: The eternal winter

14/02/12  ||  BamaHammer

Apparently, Uuuluuuuun set out to create the shittiest black metal they could possibly produce and succeeded by all accounts. This is some shitty Parisian black metal from these fuckers, and let me be honest. I’d be hard-pressed to find worse black metal than this. I’d rather listen to Spartacus take a tough shit. It’s not that Uluun aren’t trying. I mean, their hearts are in the right place, but they’re just not very good at what they’re trying to do. This demo is five tracks that clock in at nearly 35 minutes, so hanging in there just to make it through a single song feels like torture. The guitars are out of tune just enough to be annoying most of the time. On the first track, the ride cymbal is 130 feet wide and 3 feet thick. The vocals are irritating as fvck, clean or otherwise. The bass player has the potential to be quasi-unshitty one day. Maybe, anyway. Some songs also just sound completely fucken different from others. On the first three, you can tell these fuckos half-assedly tried to put together some type of production. On the last two tracks, they threw a microphone on the floor outside the door of their parents’ basement where they were rehearsing/wanking, pressed record, and then said, “Fuck it. Put it on tape.”

Well, fuuck yuu, Uluun.

1/10: This fuucken suucks.

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